Getting ghosted sucks. No longer just a term used by the dating pool to describe someone who disappears without explanation, ghosting and its psychological impact has even made its way into esteemed psychological journals, indicating ghosting has a reach that’s far and wide, and a lasting impact that can be harmful. So nope, it’s not just you – ghosting is a thing, and it sucks. Taking comfort in numbers but still asking, “Why did I get ghosted?” Be assured that getting ghosted really is more about the person doing the ghosting, not so much about the person being ghosted. Let’s unpack below a few reasons someone might disappear without the courtesy of an explanation.
While ghosting is typically a harmful act, it’s not likely that those who ghost are terrible people. As confusing as it can be on the receiving end, ghosting is often a way to cope with an uncomfortable situation. Likely, a ghoster is struggling to cope with something about the relationship – overwhelm, insecure attachment, low self-esteem, mental health issues, or something else, could be driving the desire to avoid. Without solid relationship skills, the intensity and discomfort of the situation can be too much, leading someone to flee without so much as a goodbye.
Lack of Relationship Skills
Healthy relationships require a set of solid skills including communication, maintaining boundaries, and managing emotions. Relationships, especially new ones, can feel overwhelming, and when we lack relationship skills, it can be difficult to address discomfort or have the conversations needed to establish a sense of security. For someone who is having difficult coping, and further lacks the necessary relationship skills to navigate difficulty, the temptation might be to avoid and slip into radio silence.
Deviation from Social Norms
Not everyone operates under the same typical social norms, and the same is true when it comes to ghosting. Consider neurodivergent individuals, such as those with autism, or those with mental health issues, such as depression. In either case, a person may unintentionally ghost another for reasons that have nothing to do with the relationship.
Of course, we can’t ignore the possibility that we were ghosted because the other person had an emergency or accident of some sort. This is often the conclusion we jump to first, and in some cases, it does turn out to be the reason someone suddenly stopped communicating.
If you’ve had to ask the question, “Why did I get ghosted,” chances are you’ve experienced it and know that it just doesn’t feel good. While we cannot control the actions of another person, we can see ghosting for what it is – a message about the person doing the ghosting.
If you struggle with being ghosted, or have a pattern of being the ghoster, a relationship coach might be able to help. Don’t be afraid to reach out – you are worthy of love.