Today’s dating environment brings more chances to ghost than our parents saw in their day. Sure, they had dates who stood them up and people who just disappeared on their partners, but today’s approach to dating seems to have the option of ghosting baked right in, and we all know it hurts. But if ghosting hurts, ghosting then coming back around can be downright confusing. If you’ve been left wondering what to do when someone ghosts then comes around again, you’re not alone. Read on for some tips on managing the ghosts that pop back up.
Be curious about how it made you feel when they ghosted you.
It’s easy to get swept up in the feelings of validation that come when a ghost returns, but it may be helpful to gain clarity on how you felt when they ghosted you. When we are clear about how someone makes, or made, us feel, we can use this to inform and guide our next steps. There is no wrong answer here, just honest and truthful curiosity.
When someone ghosts then comes back, feel empowered to address the ghosting.
No matter the reason this person ghosted you, if they come back around, know that it’s okay to address it with them. Sometimes we might shy away from confrontation in hopes that we can start fresh with different results, but before things go any further, see if you can take this time to practice asserting yourself and setting boundaries.
Identify what you are willing to tolerate from others.
Sometimes, especially during a dating dry spell, we might be willing to overlook the fact that someone disappeared and left us hanging. But what if we take the emotion out of it? How do we feel about what they did? Is it something we are willing to tolerate from them? Would we tolerate this from others? Where do we draw the line? Again, there are no wrong answers here, just honest, open curiosity.
It’s ok to hear them out…. or not.
We can often get a lot of conflicting opinions, especially when it comes to handling relationships and dating.One friend might insist we hear them out, while an aunt with good intentions insists we block them immediately. Regardless of the input you receive from others about handling a returning ghost, don’t be afraid to turn inside and see how YOU feel about it. You may choose to hear them out, or you may choose not to, and either is ok.
Realistically consider the possibilities.
Is it possible they had a really good reason for ghosting and that they’d never do it again? Sure it is. It’s also possible that this is their modus operandi, if you will, and that they could up and leave again in the future. Be curious about how you might feel in either situation. Did the ghosting impact the trust you have for this person? Would you regret not hearing them out? You get to decide how the different possibilities make you feel, then determine what risks you’re willing to take and in which direction.
At the end of the day, nobody can really tell us how to handle when someone ghosts then comes back around. But with some honest curiosity, we can decide how we really feel about it, what we’re willing to tolerate, and where and how we want to set our boundaries. The only right answer is the one that feels best for you.
If you’d like some help navigating the world of dating and relationships, a love coach might be able to help. Identify limiting behaviors, patterns, and beliefs and get the tools needed for lasting change. Live better, love better… you are worth it.
