image of two hands just out of reach to conceptualize what kills long-distance relationships

The 2020 pandemic really changed up our options when it comes to interacting with the world, and dating was no exception. As in-person dating was brought to a halt along with many other areas of life, we humans did what we do best: adapt and adjust which, for dating, included taking up long-distance relationships.

Of course, long-distance relationships are nothing new, and for some people, this was just a band-aid fix until things opened up again. But for others, the pandemic allowed them to explore this as a comfortable and viable solution to meeting their need for relationship.

For those who find themselves still in a long-distance relationship, without the constraints of shut-downs, you may have wondered, “How do we keep this going?” or  “What kills long-distance relationships?” If these questions have ever crossed your mind, you’re in luck. Below, we take a look at a few long-distance relationship killers.

What Kills Long Distance Relationships? 3 Key Things

Lack of Effort

Any good relationship is going to take effort, and long-distance relating is no different. In fact, it may take a little more effort to figure out how to convey, across the distance, the same bids of love that are often made in person. The natural bonding that happens when we’re in close proximity to someone, the non-verbal communication, and the silent gestures of love, are quite reduced when there is geographical distance between partners. 

The successful amount of effort will depend on the partners, the relationship dynamics, individual expectations, and of course, each partner’s needs. Figuring out the middle ground will take some trial and error, and LOTS of communication. Which leads us to our second key thing that can kill a long-distance relationship: Inconsistent communication.

Inconsistent Communication

Inconsistent communication, poor communication, lack of communication – we’ll use these interchangeably for now. The point is, a good relationship relies on consistent communication, and it’s absolutely critical in a long-distance relationship. 

It’s not just about being a good communicator, or at least being willing to communicate. Consistent communication includes being available for communication when you say you are, prioritizing communication, and even scheduling communication to help both partners make sure it happens. 

And yes, striving to be a good communicator is still essential in this type of relationship as well. You don’t have the in-person cues to help you both figure out what the other wants, so it’s important to learn how to clearly express and receive information in terms of needs and wants.


Without a lot of the social cues that encourage us to trust another person, the success of a long-distance relationship hinges on honesty. Yes, honesty is important in every relationship, however, in a long-distance relationship, aside from in-person visits, you are truly building a relationship based on your word. For this to work, it’s critical to say what you mean, mean what you say, and of course, always speak the truth.

It’s important to note that this list isn’t exhaustive. To fully answer the question, “What kills long-distance relationships?” it’s best to broach the topic with your partner. The ways in which a long-distance (or any) relationship succeeds depends on the needs of the relationship and whether both partners can show up to meet those needs. Take a deep dive on the topic with your partner and discuss the points we’ve mentioned above, along with the points that are unique to your relationship, and see just what is needed in your relationship to make it live.

If you and your loved one are interested in deepening your relationship, even with the geographical distance between you and your partner, our relationship coaching services could be a great fit. With convenient online sessions, we can bring the two of you together, no matter how far apart you are.