Thinking About Divorce?
Everyone knows that famous statistic about 50% of marriages ending in divorce (though it’s actually now only about one-third of them according to Modern Family Law) but what few people know is what to do when divorce seems to loom on the horizon of your own marriage. After all, it’s not like you got married with intentions of it ending! Who dreams of wedding flowers someday giving way to divorce lawyers?
The good news is that when your negative feelings towards your spouse have gotten to an overwhelming level, there are concrete actions you can take to figure things out before necessarily ending things for good. (Though it’s also ok if that is the outcome.)
∙ Communicate with Your Partner
Let them know that you have serious concerns about the relationship and describe why. Express yourself clearly and assertively but gently, avoiding blaming language.
You can try the following formula if you get stuck: “I feel…because…I need…”
Be open to what they have to say in response, and be ready to negotiate and compromise.
It’s possible that you can still find a way forward in the marriage through the magic of healthy communication.
And if you do decide to divorce, you will need to communicate about that, too!
∙ Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we can’t work through these things on our own. That’s where a therapist or coach can become invaluable. There’s no shame in reaching out for outside assistance!
The Jessica Yaffa Coaching Institute provides individual and couples’ coaching to address challenging marriages. If you are thinking about divorce, whether or not you decide to end the marriage, our certified relationship coaches can support you in building fulfilling connection.
∙ Make Sure You Are Safe
Unfortunately, some partners just aren’t safe to communicate with and/or to leave. If you think you may be experiencing intimate partner violence, your plan of action for divorce will need to be tailored to your situation, and professional help can be extra useful. The Jessica Yaffa Coaching institute specializes in addressing domestic violence and is a great resource for anyone who needs assistance in divorcing an abusive partner.
Want some more communication tips? Check out our post on How to Fix Communication Issues in a Relationship.
