image of man debating whether to text his ex

It’s the million-dollar question of post-breakup status: Should I text my ex? If you’re asking yourself this question, you’re not alone. In fact, in the era of coronavirus, more people than ever are tempted to reopen the lines of communication with an ex. Whether it’s loneliness, bitterness, fondness, or hopes for reconciliation, there’s a host of reasons why we might be thinking about getting in touch with a former love. But is it a good idea? Well, it depends.

Think about the reasons you want to text your ex.

The first thing to consider is the why. Why do you want to text your ex? Are you feeling lonely? Do you want to give them a piece of your mind? Are you hopeful the two of you will get back together? Are you just wanting to check in with them and see how they’re doing? Knowing your own motives behind the reconnection can help you understand what you hope to achieve by reaching out.

Think about your goals for the reconnection.

When we think about texting an ex, it’s important to consider what we hope to gain from the interaction. This is an important consideration because it challenges us to pause and reflect. Are our hopes for the interaction realistic? Is there a possibility that our goals will be achieved if we text our ex? Knowing our goals can help us move into the next stage of consideration: what if I don’t get the results I’m looking for?

Think about how you will feel if you don’t get the response you’re looking for.

You know your reasons, you know your goals, now it’s time to think about how you will feel if you don’t get the response you’re looking for? Breakups can leave us feeling vulnerable, and it can take some effort to mend a broken heart. Will reaching out to your ex potentially hurt you more? What if your ex doesn’t respond? What if your ex responds with bitterness? What if your ex wants to get back together but you don’t? Whatever your goals are, think about how you would feel if the reconnection doesn’t go as planned? Will you feel worse? Is the interaction worth that risk?

Think about how you would feel if you do get the response you’re looking for?

Now imagine if you did get the results you were looking for. What does that mean for you? Sometimes we give in to fantasy about all the problems we would solve if we could just text our ex. Let’s say your goal was to cure a bout of loneliness. You text your ex and they’re all for the reconnection – this is great, right? Maybe. It’s definitely a moment to think about how we would feel if we got what we wanted. Are we really wanting to rekindle with our ex, knowing many of the relationship problems will still be there? Or are we longing for companionship and our default is our ex? What is your next step if you get the results you’re looking for, and is that really what you desire?

At the end of the day, there is no clear-cut answer as to whether or not it’s a good idea to text an ex. After all, it really does depend on your and your situation. But with reflection and consideration of some important questions, you can decide if it’s worth it for you. If you’re feeling stuck post-breakup, a relationship coach might be able to help you make sense of it. Don’t hesitate to reach out – you don’t have to navigate the murky waters alone.