Leaving an Abusive Relationship: Changing that Negative Tape

by Jessica Yaffa, BA, CPC

image of man with negative thoughts surrounding abusive relationshipWhen we are told over and over again that we are unlovable, unworthy, untrustworthy, and incompetent, our brain begins to believe this to be true. When we are leaving an abusive relationship it is important that we work on changing our thinking in order to move towards to life we want.

Here are a few ways to practice implementing different thought patterns:

1. Identify three statements you’re going to practice telling yourself every day about what you want for your life pertaining to intimate relationships, surrounding topics such as:

  • Unconditional love
  • Mutual respect
  • The ability to pursue individual hobbies
  • Re-investing in friendships

2. Ask for accountability from one or more trusted individuals in your life and share with them that you are working on changing your core beliefs about what you deserve in relationships. Have them check in with you at least one time per day in order to remind you of your value, worth, and identified goals.

3. Begin to journal about your experiences in the current relationship that contribute to negative self-esteem and sense of worth. Notice the patterns that exist in order to establish goals around how you’re going to set boundaries for yourself. For example, if you begin to identify that every time you want to hang out with a friend your partner instigates a fight and you end up not following through with plans, prepare in advance how you are going to set and maintain a boundary around re-engaging with friends the next time this occurs.

Our brain believes what it is fed. We have the ability to change our sense of self, based on what we allow in. I encourage each of you to identify how you’re able to ingest messages of truth and worthiness in order to combat the hurtful words we often experience in abusive relationships.

Jessica Yaffa is a certified professional relationship coach and domestic violence expert. She is available for one-on-one coaching sessions both in person and online. Need help healing from an abusive relationship? Contact Jessica today.