image of couple wondering if sleeping in separate beds is bad for marriage

Is sleeping in separate beds bad for marriage? First off, it’s important to remember that nothing can be generalized as “good” or “bad” for marriage because marriages are so specific to the individuals in them. What might be “good” for your marriage may not work for others, including the decision of whether or not to sleep in the same bed.

That can look different for different people, too. Maybe a couple has opposite work schedules, where one partner is getting home when the other is already asleep. It might be more helpful for both parties if they slept in separate rooms to ensure quality sleep for each partner. Maybe one or both partners snore- and the noise and disruption are enough to result in a poor night’s rest. Is the ‘ideal’ of sleeping in the same bed as your partner worth the potential of a bad night’s sleep?

If you are someone who finds yourself asking “is sleeping in separate beds bad for a marriage?” read on for some things to consider.

A good night’s sleep needs to be a priority.

At the end of the day (or night) getting a restful, good night’s sleep needs to be the priority in a relationship. You and your partner get to decide what sleep arrangement works best for you. We all know by now the physical and mental health benefits of a good night’s sleep- that also applies to the health of our relationship.

Intimacy has nothing to do with sleeping in the same bed.

There is an assumption that is made that intimacy can only happen when a couple is sleeping in the same bed. The reality is that intimacy has nothing to do with the physical location where each partner sleeps. The level and extent of intimacy within a relationship is not correlated with sleeping locations. Many partners who sleep in separate beds after enjoying intimate moments with their partner. And the bed is not the only place to be intimate.

Sleeping in the same bed does not guarantee a “healthy” relationship.

There is often an assumption that if a couple are not sleeping in the same bed that there is something “wrong” in their marriage- they are arguing or fighting or maybe they have lost the “passion or spark”. This is simply not true. In addition, the opposite may also not be true. Sleeping in the same bed is not a telltale sign of a “healthy” relationship or guarantee a healthy relationship moving forward.

The answer to the question “is sleeping in separate beds bad for a marriage?” is that it depends. Only you and your partner can decide what is helpful or unhelpful, good or bad for your specific relationship. What other people are doing in their relationships may not be what is best for yours- and both ways of doing things can still be okay.

If you’re sleeping in separate beds and find that your marriage is suffering, a relationship coach can help you and your partner find a middle ground.