5 Things to Keep to Yourself and 5 Things to Share with Your Partner
Honesty in relationships is paramount and “honesty is the best policy” is a phrase that has been used as a core value for many years. We have been taught and encouraged when we are younger to always tell the truth, even when “the truth hurts”. Well…it seems that maybe we have been lied to! Navigating the should I/shouldn’t I as an adult in a relationship is difficult. We want to be open and show honesty in relationships, but at times that honesty may be doing more harm than good. Read on to see 5 Things to Keep to Yourself and 5 Things to Share with Your Partner in a relationship:
1. Little Annoyances vs. Endearing Quirks
Your partner may have little idiosyncrasies that get on your nerves. They leave the toilet seat up, they put the roll of toilet paper on the “wrong” way, they chew with their mouth open at times. The list could go on and on. What about focusing on their endearing quirks instead? Those little things that your partner does that make you smile. Those are worth sharing!
2.What Others (Family, Friends, Co-workers) Think of Them vs. How Much They Mean to You
Your friends and family’s opinion of your partner may not be any of their business. A more helpful place to focus would be on how your partner makes you feel, what you enjoy about them, and what they do that helps you feel comfortable and cared for.
3. Extensive Sexual History (with stories to match) vs. Discussing Likes and Dislikes in the Bedroom
Stories about your extensive sexual history may be too much information for your partner. However, exploring likes and dislikes in the bedroom could help you set boundaries and get your sexual needs met- without all the details of your past. Again, honesty in relationships is important, but there are better, healthier ways to communicate.
4. What an Ex Did Differently or Better vs. What Your Current Partner Does Well
Comparison is inevitable, especially early in a relationship. It is hard not to compare your current partner to your past partner. But that doesn’t mean you need to tell them what your ex did differently. Instead, focus on what your current partner does well, or even differently. Their different way could be better than your ex’s!
5. You Don’t Believe in Them (their ideas) vs. Supporting Passions and Goals
Sometimes our partners can come up with some crazy ideas. We may question what this means for the financial security of our family, time spent together or even question our partner’s ability to accomplish their goals. The best way we can manage this is to support their passions and goals with compassionate challenge. “That will never work” can be heartbreaking and demoralizing for your partner, especially in the exploration stages of identifying their passion.
Sometimes figuring out what to communicate and what to keep to ourselves can be difficult. Occasionally, we may need a professional to help guide us in the right direction. Maybe this means meeting with a relationship coach or therapist or reaching out to couple friends for feedback or even taking a relationship course. Building a well rounded relationship tool box can be helpful in the long run for a healthy, happy, and connected future.