Ahhhh, the giddy and light and exciting process of falling in love. Every couple or partnership has a different, unique story of how they met and fell in love. The romantic thing about this process is that it’s different for everyone because every person is different-and brings to the table our histories and expectations. Maybe it was a quick, whirlwind romance- where you knew right away that this was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Maybe you started as friends, had known each other for quite a few years before those butterflies of romantic feelings started to show up. No matter what your story is of falling in love- it’s most likely a feeling that you’ve been attempting to re-create since the moment it happened.
Redefining “Falling Back in Love”
The reality is- we can’t. Those initial feelings we had with the excitement, surprise, unknown and anticipation aren’t something that we can get back fully. And that makes sense, right- it’s no longer a surprise, the newness has worn off. As we fall deeper into love, it becomes more of a constant pulse playing in the background- not the highs and highers of the initial infatuation stages. And that’s OK. Deeper stages of love involve things like stability, commitment, predictability, accountability, responsibility, compromise and partnership. These things don’t exactly sound exciting- right? So what do we do, when we find ourselves in the maintenance stages of love? Can we get that excitement back? Can we fall back in love?
One, Two, Three..
First we have to realize that we never ‘fell out of love’ but we did transition through the initial stages of infatuation.
Second, we need to realize and accept the fact that those initial feelings we can never get back. And that’s because we can never meet or fall in love with our spouse or partner for the first time again. And again, that’s OK.
Lastly, we need to work with our partner to re-define what our new normal of love is. Where are areas that we can get excited about each other again? What are things that we want to explore in ourselves and in our partnerships, that can initiate feelings of excitement, spontaneity, playfulness? How can we find time to dedicate to “re-exploring our love“?
Initially, it may have seemed effortless. And quite frankly, it probably was. We are the best version of ourselves when we are courting a potential mate – this fact is primal. The worry, concern, stress, and anxiety that comes with commitment, accountability, and vulnerability can complicate things. However, with awareness and recommitment to exploring what love looks like within your partnership- those butterflies can resurface.
Sending Out an SOS… Relationship Coach
Does all this seem a bit overwhelming, do you feel like you don’t even know where to begin or where to start or how to initiate a conversation with your partner regarding exploring what love looks like for you now? Maybe you need help – and that’s OK. Sometimes when we “fall out of love” falling back in love can be something that feels overwhelming and foreign. Maybe its was 20+ years ago when you fell in love. The good news is, that you and your partner or spouse don’t have to go through it alone. Allowing a professional, counselor or relationship coach, to help guide you through the process of “falling back in love” can relieve some of the stress and pressure. It’s important to remember to give you and your spouse or partner time, grace, and patience through this process of reconnecting, growth, and exploration. But how exciting it is- to redefine and fall “forward” in love.