Are we moving too fast?
New relationships can be so tricky to gauge. We’re inundated with hormones, bliss-like feelings, and dreams of what could be, all the while, we’re focusing on putting our best foot forward and trying to determine if “this is for real.”
It’s as if, in this stage, time both speeds up and comes to a standstill as this new love unfolds, and it can have us questioning, “Are we moving too fast?” If you find yourself asking that about your new love interest, don’t worry – we’re going to discuss four things to keep in mind when determining if your relationship is going at a “good” pace.
Are we moving too fast? 4 Things to consider:
1. Be aware of the honeymoon stage
We are designed to feel really, really good when there is a mutual interest between us and other humans. In the beginning of a new potential partnership, our bodies are running on a complex cocktail of hormones and we feel intoxicated by the other person.
You’re probably familiar with the honeymoon stage – it’s that time when we tend to see the other person as perfect, can’t-do-any-wrong, and seems absolutely amazing in every way. We can’t stop thinking about them and likewise, hope they can’t stop thinking about us.
This stage is normal, healthy, and works really well in getting humans to pair up. But here’s a thing – this stage is temporary. Most, dare we say all, relationships will eventually move past this stage into deeper waters of an intimate relationship.
When considering whether you are moving too fast in your new relationship, take some time to contemplate what stage your relationship is in. If you’re in the honeymoon stage, by all means, enjoy it, just keep in mind that the automatic biological processes in this phase will change and you may feel differently about where you’re headed with someone.
This isn’t to say that the end of the honeymoon stage is good or bad, but it’s definitely something to be mindful of when pacing your courtship. This is a great time to enjoy all the amazement and wonder, without committing yourself to anything until the relationship has some time to play out.
2. Check in with yourself
You can read every love book, relationship blog, and talk to every friend, neighbor, and mom, about the pace of your relationship, but the best indicator of a healthy pace is how you feel.
Check in with yourself – are you feeling pressured? Does something feel unsafe? Are you consumed with thoughts about this person in a way that negatively impacts your mental health? Do you find yourself saying yes, when you want to say no? Do you ever have to abandon yourself to give the other person what they want, even though you’re not ready to want it yourself? If you answered yes to any of these, you may want to take a deeper look at why these are showing up for you, and see if they could be related to a relationship that’s moving too fast.
3. Check in with the other person
A healthy relationship takes all partners into account. Once you’re clear on how you feel about the pace of your budding romance, check in with your new squeeze about how they’re feeling.
In a sense, this is leveling up your relationship through honest and direct communication and though it can feel like an intimidating subject to talk about, it could bring you closer together. Most importantly, however, it removes any guesswork about how everyone’s feeling about the flow of things, and opens up some space to make pacing adjustments where needed.
4. Leave yourself some room, just in case
Enjoying the honeymoon stage, check. Feeling good about pacing, check. Other person also feels good about pacing, check. All systems, full steam ahead, right? Well, sort of. These are all great signs of a great start of what’s to come, and at the same time, it’s perfectly okay to take your time before committing to anything significant. You can dream, plan, fantasize, and partake in all the beautiful things this stage brings, and still leave yourself some room, just in case.
Hopefully, these four points give you some good points to think when asking the question, “Are we moving too fast?” Just remember that there’s no “right” answer to the question – what matters most is that you’re checking in with yourself, your new partner, and that you understand the biological processes at play during the beginning of a relationship. In doing so, you can make an informed decision as to whether the pacing is right for you.
As always, if you’d like a little help navigating the trickier parts of a relationship, our relationship coaches could be a great fit. Don’t hesitate to reach out – we’re here for you!